The Big Question

Every time I plan to go home I am faced with one big question- when are you getting married? Being brown and slowly passing the  marriageable age (way pass the ideal settling down age which in Indian standards is 24?) I think I am causing a lot of worry to certain Indian people who are neither family nor close friends. I find that amusing that it is not my family who shows concerns (knowing me well) but it’s usually ‘other ppl-the so-called well wishers” who are worried sick of my future. They are not just worried about my future apparently they are confused why my family is not bothered by my lifestyle. What really really bothers them is when they come to my folks and ask them when they are marrying off their kids and they get a reply- The kids are big enough to make that decision when they want too…(Gotto luv maa for that). The expressions that follow are priceless.

It’s very difficult for these people to grasp the concept of a single independent woman who is happy with her life. They don’t get it. How can you be happy when you are not married and have no plans to start a family any time soon. How is that even possible? I simply smile and confuse them.

Then the next round of questions start when I don’t answer anything straight.

They- “Are u seeing someone?”

Me- Are you my mother-well then, I guess I don’t have to answer u, do i?

They- “You are living so far away, you must be seeing someone.” You didn’t find any eligible boy there?

Me-  I censor myself from what comes first in my mind and end the conversation with a sarcastic remark (which always annoys them and gives me the utmost satisfaction)

I don’t argue with them neither I give explanations but I do feel sad/sorry for them coz they don’t realize there is much more to life then settling down at the age of wa’ever u find ideal. I am not against settling down I am against living by numbers and living conventionally (and much more).

Not everyone wants the same outta life like your daughter did. Not everyone wants to have kids like your son plans to have. Not everyone likes to eat Indian food everyday. Not everyone can abide by your decisions just to make you happy like your daughter did. Some dare to be different…some dare to know what they want. Some dare to speak their opinions and live it like they want- I just happen to be one of them.

In the end, as soon as I got ma tickets booked I knew- somehow, somewhere, I’ll have the same conversation next time I am home.

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5 thoughts on “The Big Question

  1. Brown people believe marriages are for the people by the people like democracy and like indian democracy the marriages are also for everybody’s entertainment.. its not so much about you…

    When some brown guy and his poles apart wife didnt get along.. the guy goes
    “well we haven’t been able to forge a relation whats the point in going on like this”

    wife: “what do you mean we dont have relation? You married me infront of everybody I did not runaway with you”

    guy” “Well, we can’t live like this without any chemistry whatsoever , fighting and arguing, lets move on”

    Wife: ” What chemistry?Physics noteverbody marries like that.. what will I tell all the people” ??

    You see the point ??? Marriage is not about you..its about finding another event for a stupid expensive all expenses paid party, spreading their marital misery around and getting more people into the trap and monitoring them for rest of their lives..

  2. How apt the dialogue! And I agree that it always has been about other ppl and it shall always be like that as well (for the majority i’d say).

    I believe you can live ur life in two ways- either it wud be For the people or it could be FOR YOURSELF.

    Again, thank u for ur gyan PB 🙂

  3. It’s actually terrible how much preassure people with these cultures can put on young adults, especially on females. I have in particular 2 cousins who are unmarried aged 27 & 32. At a family function they would be put on the spot infront of everyone, like you say by people who arent even close family. I married when I was 22 and immediatley after that at every function we attend people ask me when we’ll be having kids… like who the hell are you to ask me when I’m going to reproduce??? Is this not a private and personal decision to make? I even started crying myself to sleep wanting a baby so badly untill I found myself vegging out infront of the TV and I telling myself… maybe I don’t wanna give up my freedom just yet.

    They ask my cousins, “when are you going to get married” as if you can go to Woolies and buy a dude. Its hard enough finding a boyfreind let alone mariage material.
    Eventually these things creep into your mind and you start questioning yourself.. is there something wrong with me?
    We all have so much life to live still but if you’re not strong these ‘concerned’ people can break your spirit. They….. they suck!

  4. Isn’t it amazin the role these ‘concerned’ people play in our lives? I agree with you that they have no business asking the most ridiculous questions, but they still do and they will continue to do so coz they don’t like people straying from the ‘usual’ life choices one has to make. you get to a certain age-i get married then u have kids and so on. When they see people making different paths it somehow scares them coz they gave up their choices for the society-how can u do smtg else then? Ofcourse there are other factors involved in their so called concern-but i won’t get into it.

    Listen to your heart-it does have a voice. As for the ‘concerned’ people they will always be there. Just don’t give up on urself tryin to make them happy.

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